September 1st, 2014|

Before you get into a serious relationship, ask yourself. Is this the person I want to sit across from in restaurants for the rest of my life while he stares at his phone?

August 31st, 2014|

The only things preventing me from being a Jihadist are a total lack of belief, no stomach for blood and virtually no interest in virgins.

August 18th, 2014|

What’s the expiration date on nostalgia?

August 17th, 2014|

Teaching starving kids to consume stupid tweets would solve two of the world’s biggest problems.

August 16th, 2014|

I was trying to figure out why I wasn’t waking up in the morning. Turns out I was using a false alarm.

July 29th, 2014|

Funny = pain + distance. As the distance is not there… we are left with only pain.

July 26th, 2014|

I’m amazed at how much more pleasurable it is to listen to people who agree with me. In fact I completely avoid listening to anyone else.

July 17th, 2014|

To you it may look like I am just loafing around doing nothing. But I am doing this to protect your freedom.

July 15th, 2014|

I don’t get it. There is this guy I unfriended a while ago, yet… he still shows up quite clearly at the bus stop every morning. Where do I need to click to make […]

July 14th, 2014|

I can’t figure out who that guy is that appears in my selfies.

July 13th, 2014|

There is nothing quite like the joy of finding a seat next to a power outlet in an airport.

July 8th, 2014|

Technology!… I have this great new meta hat. The minute I put it on it feels exactly as if I am right here. It is uncanny!