April 8th, 2015|
I don’t like people who are constantly criticizing. I always find something wrong with what they are doing.
April 7th, 2015|
I don’t get it. Every time I take a selfie, the camera replaces me with someone much older.
Had a great flight yesterday. And the pilot was not even depressive.
April 4th, 2015|
That’s what I call overkill. He could have solved it all by giving pharaoh a severe case of diarrhea, but no… he had to go out and slay every first born.
March 23rd, 2015|
Forget new tricks. The real challenge is to teach an old dog his old tricks…
March 17th, 2015|
At first she couldn’t get enough of him. But then she could.
March 14th, 2015|
Lucky for me. I just read 59 is the new 58!
March 12th, 2015|
I think I may have just reached my memory’s limit. This morning when I was trying to memorize a telephone number, my fourth grade teacher completely disappeared..
March 4th, 2015|
Please God, don’t let the fact that you don’t exist stop you from granting my wishes.
March 2nd, 2015|
I’ve always been a party pooper. I used to just not like parties. Now I take it more literally.
February 17th, 2015|
Good news. I’ve managed to prune my Facebook friend list so perfectly that I am not exposed to a single thought or muttering that I don’t agree with completely.
February 16th, 2015|
My upcoming autobiography will be the first book composed entirely of emoticons.