March 2nd, 2015|

I’ve always been a party pooper. I used to just not like parties. Now I take it more literally.

February 17th, 2015|

Good news. I’ve managed to prune my Facebook friend list so perfectly that I am not exposed to a single thought or muttering that I don’t agree with completely.

February 16th, 2015|

My upcoming autobiography will be the first book composed entirely of emoticons.

February 10th, 2015|

Scientists suddenly realize that a rounding error has caused some misconceptions. Turns out there are actually only 12 stars in the galaxy after all.

February 2nd, 2015|

Is it really that strange to have a collection of barbed wire?

January 30th, 2015|

I
was afraid I was leaving the house disheveled. One glance at the mirror assured
me I was in fact sheveled indeed.

January 23rd, 2015|

I just took the Facebook how good is your memory test. But I prefer darker coffee.

January 18th, 2015|

I think I’m covered. I liked a few posts and declared I am Charlie. Problem averted. That was close.

January 15th, 2015|

I’m all in favor of you loving yourself, just not when you are sitting next to me on the bus.

January 6th, 2015|

Better to have failed than to have never tried at all. Yes. But why so often?

January 2nd, 2015|

Facebook said I had another great year. I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

December 31st, 2014|

My expectations have dwindled through the years and from wishing for world peace I’ve settled on charged mobile devices and less knee pain. Lets make this one a year of small blessings.

So… this year, […]