August 20th, 2015|

Bummer. My placebo prescription ran out and my doctor replaced it with a different brand. I don’t know if it will have the same effect.

July 20th, 2015|

I dreamt I was awake all night. But then dozed off and woke up abruptly. This is all very confusing.

July 12th, 2015|

My cognitively challenged watch says “I’m not sure” when I ask it what time it is. Still I’m glad it has a job.

July 8th, 2015|

Right after licking her anus our cat will come over and lick my face. Is she just sharing something wonderful with me or does she think she just discovered another one?

July 3rd, 2015|

I would say that my self deprecation is second rate at best.

June 29th, 2015|

We thought it was a limitless resource but… Twitter just announced that it has just about run out of tweets. 17 are left and they are rationing them out very very carefully.

June 26th, 2015|

In order to minimize the effort when the time eventually arrives, I’ve come up with the perfect words for my tombstone: “Not the world’s best dancer”.

June 21st, 2015|

I feed the kids, I feed the cat. In the evening I feed the Mosquitoes.

June 18th, 2015|

I was too cheap to buy a smart-watch so I got a smart-alec-watch instead. It shows me tomorrows time and thinks that’s funny.

June 15th, 2015|

I think my answering machine is broken. I left it 6 questions… and…. Nothing.

June 12th, 2015|

I am formally announcing that I am NOT in talks with Warner Brothers for purchasing the rights to my life story. Lets put those rumors to bed.

June 11th, 2015|

I was just sitting around pondering the futility of it all. But then I realized… what’s the point?