Before you get into a serious relationship, ask yourself. Is this the person I want to sit across from in restaurants for the rest of my life while he stares at his phone?

The only things preventing me from being a Jihadist are a total lack of belief, no stomach for blood and virtually no interest in virgins.

What’s the expiration date on nostalgia?

Teaching starving kids to consume stupid tweets would solve two of the world’s biggest problems.