{"id":1357,"date":"2014-01-01T14:12:40","date_gmt":"2014-01-01T19:12:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/?p=1357"},"modified":"2014-01-01T14:12:40","modified_gmt":"2014-01-01T19:12:40","slug":"2013-musings-collection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/2013-musings-collection\/","title":{"rendered":"2013 Musings Collection"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">After not liking what I saw in the mirror, my resolution for the new year is to take matters into my own hands and at all costs &#8230; avoid mirrors.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We can now freely admit that the only reason we went through 2013 was because it was impossible to get to 2014 without it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told Siri she reminded me of her mother. Now for every question I ask I get \u201cso\u2026 now you want my opinion?\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was staring death in the face. Waiting to see who would blink first. Then I realized it was just a Smiley sticker.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I thought this week I would focus on self deprecating one-liners, but it turns out I\u2019m not very good at those either.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Do Zombies ever have a truely good day?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If it wasn\u2019t for that aromatherapist on the bus, the guy with the heart attack would have been a gonner.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Is it dangerous to put pasta and antipasta in the same container? I&#8217;m curious, but afraid to try it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">What separates us from the rest of the animals is our ability, regardless of where or when, to disregard our surroundings and with great intent, stare at our phone.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was just told that what&#8217;s important is what&#8217;s on the inside. And that is supposed to cheer me up??<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My doctor says he can&#8217;t be sure if the Placebo pills he prescribed are\u00a0actually doing anything or if it is just the Placebo effect.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;ve just received my diploma as &#8220;Honorary Vegetarian&#8221; as recognition that though I eat meat, I think it&#8217;s wrong. \u00a0My hypocrite diploma is arriving next week.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We are at war with everything else on the planet. The good news is we are winning. The bad news&#8230; You figure it out.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">You learn something new every day. (That&#8217;s what I learned today).<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">One day at a time That&#8217;s what I say, at maximum two. Three days at a time is really just too much work.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When flying, I often pretend that the whole plane is gone except me and my seat soaring through the air. After that I usually go to the bathroom, which is pretty scary with the whole plane gone.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Trying to see things from my point of view. But sometimes it&#8217;s not easy.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Reincarnation is interesting, but I am still trying to figure out if there is life before death.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My Roomba is dating the toaster. God, I hope they are careful.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I used to like people, until I discovered I was one of them.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I think I might actually be half mermaid.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If you take all the people in the world and lay them side by side, then you must be a very bored yet, influential person.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">A Smellfie, the act of smelling yourself to see it you can get away with wearing that shirt one more day.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">To my dismay my proposed show: &#8216;America&#8217;s got snot&#8217; a reality show involving nose picking, was accepted and will air next season.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I got a little drunk at the party last night. But later his wife called and asked for me to drive him home.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If milk and aspirin have it, I think that superstition, scripture and other nonsense need an expiration date as well.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My conversations with myself at night are quite boring. Too predictable.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We are the kindest, gentlest and most tolerant. And we&#8217;ll kill anyone who doesn&#8217;t agree.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Ever since I learned that Buddhism claims the key to less suffering is getting rid of craving, I really really really want to be a Buddhist&#8230;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He was driving her nuts, even though she specifically asked him to leave them at home.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My doctor says that what I have is post birth syndrome.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Yesterday in a spontaneous moment I got a bicycle for my grandfather. Today I woke up thinking maybe that wasn&#8217;t the best trade in the world.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Wondering today about the big questions. Why am I here? What does this all mean? And where did I leave the car?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I used to have free will. Now it is $19.99.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The germs opened a Twitter account and said that although they are proud of their contribution to history, it would be nice to get a little more respect.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Bummer. Tried to return the invisibility cloak I bought but the customer service agent couldn\u2019t see me.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My personal trainer at the gym said I could increase my results dramatically just by showing up.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Showed them. \u00a0Today at the restaurant the waiter asked if he could seat us. I told him we are booked for now, but might be able to squeeze them in at 9:30.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">They say our biggest problem is indifference and apathy. That might be true, but I don&#8217;t really care.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If all the world is a stage, then who the hell is responsible for casting?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Under that rough exterior, lies a truly unpleasant person.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">For a system that claims to absolutely know things that it really doesn&#8217;t, belief gets much too much respect.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If you are the only one who remembers an event, did it really happen? Does it even matter?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We have the freedom to do exactly as we are told.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Since at this point it is futile to lie about my age, I now lie about the date.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Puzzled. I just watched a 20 minute clip called \u2018Playing the Ukulele in 5 minutes&#8217;.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The Nobel prizes are just around the corner. I\u2019m holding my breath, but don\u2019t want to jinx it again by calling them.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I lay awake all night worrying about my insomnia.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I felt a little weird being the only one in class attracted to the lower part of the mermaid.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The antique business lobbyists are really pushing for the development of a time machine<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019ve stopped viewing going to the bathroom as a hassle and started viewing it as proof that something still works.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The results of my exhaustive comparative research project comparing Iceland and Israel are in:<br \/>\nIceland &#8211; Israel.<br \/>\nHuge &#8211; tiny.<br \/>\nHardly any people &#8211; way too many people.<br \/>\nEndless supply of water &#8211; no water.<br \/>\nEndless supply of energy &#8211; no energy.<br \/>\nNo neighbors &#8211; surrounded by neighbors that want to kill you.<br \/>\nFreezing cold &#8211; Scorching hot.<br \/>\nNo humus &#8211; best humus in the world.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Amazing! Did you know in Iceland sheep have 147 words for grass.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Bummer. My atonement this year was rejected. They said I was late with my atonement fees. Great. Now I have to atone for that too!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Couldn&#8217;t sleep I was so giddy with excitement. Two of my LinkedIn contacts endorsed my new working skills.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Could it be everyone got it wrong? During my recent trip to Pisa noticed the tower was completely vertical but everything around it was leaning.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Try , try and try again and you will be triumphant. Otherwise you might just end up umphant.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Better to have lost and been completely obliterated than to have never lost at all.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I don\u2019t think Infinity is as large as people think it is.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Bad news. Turns out that between the two of us&#8230; I was the imaginary friend.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I had the feeling we already talked about your deja vu.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Just came back from a retrospective show held by my dentist. He presented every filling he ever performed. Fascinating.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;m a man of modest ambitions. My only dream is to, one day, have a disorder named after me.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I found that the best way for me to deal with my lack of energy was a really good nap.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was using my paper based mobile device and noticed that it did not remember where I had read to. I guess they still have some bugs to work out.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Idea for my new business: \u201cWe make antiques, while you wait.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This is embarrassing. I can&#8217;t remember if I pretended to have read this book or not\u2026<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Home is where you know the WiFi password.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;m not \u00a0really all that interested in the anti-bribery law. But if you make it worth my while&#8230; I&#8217;ll definitely promote it for you.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We decided to call it a day. But that seemed the wrong name for a puppy.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was planning on doing some procrastinating, but it doesn&#8217;t look like I&#8217;ll be able to get to it today.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I finally managed to get the t shirt, the tote bag, the three caps and both keychains from the &#8216;Defying Materialism&#8217; conference.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m afraid to leave the house tomorrow. My eyeglass prescription is set to expire then.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Turns out&#8230;prioritization is really not that important.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If we were made in his image\u2026 it is no wonder he has issues with self esteem.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It&#8217;s quite amazing how much of life we spend accumulating matter that (we think) matters and discarding matter that (we think) doesn&#8217;t matter. Where in reality they both matter very little.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I feel terrible. Yesterday I nonchalantly checked the box saying &#8220;I have read the terms and conditions&#8221; when in fact I hadn&#8217;t&#8230; What will happen when they find out?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I think it unfair that airlines tease us with the knowledge that our seats can be used as floatation devices, yet they never give us a chance to check that out..<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Yay! You can now get your kids delivered with soft drink names.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Like the US government, I too can totally destroy anyone in my vicinity with my drone.(I just go on and on and on)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">In order to make GPS devices seem more human, our next version is going to be asking \u2018are we there yet?\u2019 every 11 minutes.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I keep trying to convince them it is just d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu but they insist I really was there before and please return those books already<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The slogan of the cannibal nutrition board. &#8216;You eat what you are&#8217;.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I should be more satisfied with my result of coming in second in the mediocrity contest.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Do not let the inner peace of others destroy your anxiety.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Really, really old.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">What do we want? Better memory! when do we want it? Purple!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My new form of Pilates is focused more on people who find movement distasteful.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;m very retrospective. Most of my time is devoted to: &#8220;what the hell was I thinking?&#8221;.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My aim was always to be lean and mean. But then I got to thinking&#8230; What&#8217;s so great about lean?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My newest book is called: \u2018Body building from A to Z\u2019. Where to get parts, what electricity to use, How not to get caught.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The reason I don\u2019t like being around self-centered people is that they don\u2019t give me enough attention.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I don&#8217;t know why this is, but I find that other people are much more annoying than I am.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I alway try to keep a few depressing thoughts on hand just in case I find myself unnecessarily cheerful.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Since Coca Cola doesn&#8217;t make bottles carrying our son\u2019s name, we did the only responsible thing&#8230; We changed his name to Coca Cola.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My new service will allow you to sublet your gym membership to people who will actually go to the gym.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Our new campaign at the soup council aims to improve the image of soup. The new clips show beautiful, successful people eating soup while skiing, in a wrestling match and during open heart surgery. I can&#8217;t wait to see the impact they have.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Referring to me as a living legend is only half true<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Yesterday, I almost had fun. Fortunately, just in time, I remembered all the things I needed to get done.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Work on my autobiography is progressing nicely. Since a major part of it consists of \u00a0trips to the grocery, I am trying to find some way of instilling a sense of adventure to at least some of them.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;m such a private person. When I sneeze I only find out about it the next day.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Yesterday I suddenly developed my own herd mentality.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was appalled to just learn that in third world countries they don\u2019t even have their names on soft drink bottles. This outrage must come to an end!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Actions speak louder than words, so could you please stop all action between 2 and 4.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">You call yourselves friends? Why didn\u2019t anyone tell me I had cow manure all over my head all weekend?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I hate that I&#8217;ve become so judgmental. And I\u2019m really not very good at it, if I say so myself.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I am currently looking for new plot twist ideas for my upcoming autobiography.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This morning when nature called it was the first time I realized I had call waiting<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I might not be any good at playing jazz but I am really good at listening to it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Research has shown that research is hard. That is why 83.5% of the time we make things up.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I slept like a baby. A depressed, overweight, smelly baby with hemorrhoids.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My hope is that as I get older interest in me will grow as I will be start to be considered retro.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\u05d4\u05d9\u05ea\u05d4 \u05dc\u05d9 \u05d4\u05ea\u05e8\u05d5\u05de\u05de\u05d5\u05ea \u05e8\u05d5\u05d7 \u05d4\u05d9\u05d5\u05dd. \u05d0\u05e0\u05d9 \u05e6\u05e8\u05d9\u05da \u05dc\u05d4\u05e4\u05e1\u05d9\u05e7 \u05dc\u05d0\u05db\u05d5\u05dc \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05e4\u05e9\u05d8\u05d9\u05d3\u05d4 \u05d4\u05d6\u05d5.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My friend says he doesn&#8217;t know whether to stop smoking because it is so expensive or because it kills you. It&#8217;s a huge dilemma.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">After years I finally located my Settings Control Panel. Under the Behavior section it said: &#8216; To continue antisocial behavior, do nothing&#8217;.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Everyone always concentrates on the negative and no one ever sees the kinder, gentler side of zombies. There is definitely prejudice at work here.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I sometimes wonder if other people are as self-centered as I am. And if they are, what\u2019s in it for me?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\u05dc\u05f4\u05d2 \u05d1\u05e2\u05d5\u05de\u05e8 \u05e0\u05d5\u05ea\u05df \u05dc\u05e0\u05d5 \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05d4\u05d6\u05d3\u05de\u05e0\u05d5\u05ea \u05dc\u05d4\u05e0\u05e6\u05d9\u05d7 \u05d5\u05dc\u05d7\u05d2\u05d5\u05d2 \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05e4\u05e2\u05dd \u05d4\u05e8\u05d0\u05e9\u05d5\u05e0\u05d4 \u05e9\u05d1\u05e8-\u05db\u05d5\u05db\u05d1\u05d0 \u05d2\u05e0\u05d1 \u05e2\u05d2\u05dc\u05ea \u05e1\u05d5\u05e4\u05e8\u05de\u05e8\u05e7\u05d8<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">With Mosquitos around I always get drunk. They just like me.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The one big advantage I have over Bach, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci and Newton is that I am alive. So there!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I keep wondering about the previous pope and whether once he left they came the next day and disconnected his direct line to god.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I met this sorceress today and asked her to make me a sandwich. Now I&#8217;m looking for someone who knows how to \u00a0reverse this.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I thought our new cat really loved me until I saw that the armchair received exactly the same treatment.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My goal is every year to do one thing better than ever. This year I am thinking embezzlement.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I can&#8217;t remember. Before smartphones did we just stop and stare at our hands every few minutes?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The good news is I look fabulous for a 72 year old.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">With 300 people on a plane in that tiny space, you wonder what makes up the air we are breathing there. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My heart goes out to the poor sign-language translator who sprained her hand during that interview with the Tourettes patient.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I Don&#8217;t get why I can&#8217;t have my cake and Edith too.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Thank you everyone for the wonderful birthday greetings! They warmed my heart and almost made up for being completely ignored during the rest of the year.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I feel I&#8217;ve aged a lot. Especially during these last 57 years.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I don\u2019t get what the big deal is about capital punishment. If we also punish lower case&#8230; will that be ok?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Turns out Freedom is just another word for panty liner.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Money doesn&#8217;t buy you happiness but it does allow you to be miserable in more places.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Now that God&#8217;s direct connection, the Pope, has left. It appears that God is going wireless.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Nearly everyone I know has been sexually transmitted.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The only reason I insist on being myself is that everyone else is taken.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My kids say I should spend more quality time with my iPhone.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">A few days ago, I was just sitting there, when suddenly&#8230; Hey wait a minute. That wasn&#8217;t me.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Maybe not everyone sees this as a good thing. But perhaps that course I took \u2018becoming a pope in 3 easy lessons\u2019 will finally pay off.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">With age my aches and pains have become so much more fascinating to me. It is quite incredible.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Death. The silent killer.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Siri said I spend too much time with my kids and should be spending more quality time with her.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Something is wrong with a belief system when it consists almost entirely of restrictions.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m currently working on a comprehensive errata of last year\u2019s events.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">300 DPI. My new year&#8217;s resolution.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I said I couldn&#8217;t care less. \u00a0I was wrong. I \u00a0could.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">People believe we were made in God&#8217;s image and and have no problem worshiping a smelly, hairy, obnoxious, self centered creature with gas.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I&#8217;m pushing a law to prohibit photoshopping pictures of vegetables in ads. Normal vegetables are developing debilitating inferiority complexes when they compare themselves to these.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Yes. of course I believe in tolerance. You are free to practice your beliefs and I am free to follow your restrictions.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\">People&#8230; It&#8217;s like they have a life of their own.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After not liking what I saw in the mirror, my resolution for the new year is to take matters into my own hands and at all costs &#8230; avoid mirrors. We can now freely admit that the only reason we went through 2013 was because it was impossible to get to 2014 without it. I  [&#8230;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-musings"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4byM4-lT","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1357"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1357\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1358,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1357\/revisions\/1358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rozinblog.com\/etan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}