We can now freely admit that the only reason we went through 2013 was because it was impossible to get to 2014 without it.

I told Siri she reminded me of her mother. Now for every question I ask I get “so… now you want my opinion?”.

I was staring death in the face. Waiting to see who would blink first. Then I realized it was just a Smiley sticker.

I thought this week I would focus on self deprecating one-liners, but it turns out I’m not very good at those either.