The reason I don’t like being around self-centered people is that they don’t give me enough attention.

I don’t know why this is, but I find that other people are much more annoying than I am.

I alway try to keep a few depressing thoughts on hand just in case I find myself unnecessarily cheerful.

Since Coca Cola doesn’t make bottles carrying our son’s name, we did the only responsible thing… We changed his name to Coca Cola.