When the day of judgment comes and I have to account for everything in my life. I’m really relying heavily on my high score in Candy Crush.

The roles I’ve been getting in my dreams have become smaller and smaller. I’m afraid one day I’ll be cut out altogether.

My bathroom mirror stopped functioning. It no longer shows me what I look like. In any case it was only ever useful for the outside bits.

My new venture, to create genetically engineered daffodils so one could finally have predictable results when using them for ‘He loves me, he loves me not”. Many problems could be averted.