For years I’ve been taking all of these pills. Now they tell me I should have been swallowing them.

The three things preventing me from being a great sportsman are: physical attributes, character and not the slightest interest in anything to do with sport.

I was pondering the reason for our existence and what is the meaning of it all. Then I got the munchies and checked the fridge for anything good. And that was that.

At my age, Napoleon was already dead 7 years and Alexander the Great was dead 26 years. So there!